"You're surely going to burn in Hell!" my religious friends often warn me. But I stubbornly refuse to believe in something I can't clearly picture in my head. I've even had that typical atheist's dream. You know--the one that starts out with St. Peter greeting me at the Holy Gate. "So you won't believe," St. Peter begins, "until you're eyeball-to-eyeball with the Supreme One?" I nod. "This is your lucky day," he announces, "for today the Lord is holding a 'Meet Your Maker' session as a last chance for non-believers such as yourself. Follow me." Sure enough I find myself in God's presence. Sitting on a golden throne, smoking a fat Cuban cigar, sat God--and she bore a striking resemblance to Oprah Winfrey! I awoke in a cold sweat--glad it was just a dream! I wasn't born an atheist...in fact, I was baptized twice! First, when I was four months old, in St. Mark Evangelist Church in New York City. My mother, a Trinidadian, was Roman Catholic and wanted her first born to be Catholic also. I don't remember that occasion, but I certainly remember my second baptism, many years later! My father was a Southern Baptist and insisted his family become members, with him, of Harlem's Mt. Olivet Baptist Church. That involved my being re-baptized the Baptist way--by total body immersion into a tank of water. I was traumatized! I can best describe the experience as a form of Christian waterboarding! (No comparison to the gentle sprinkling of holy water on my forehead by a Catholic priest!) Despite the watery dunking, I joined the church's boys choir. I loved singing such hymns as, "Just a Closer Walk With Thee," "The Old Rugged Cross," "What a Friend We Have In Jesus," and my favorite, "The Church in the Wildwood." And though my voice was spirited, my soul never caught the "born again" spirit! After two baptisms, you would think I would have become a God-fearing believer. But that never happened! Instead, I was influenced by such readings as Clarence Darrow's "'Questions Without Answers,' 'The Gods' by atheist author, Robert G. Ingersoll, and other humanist writers. If I made the wrong choice in this issue (and I don't believe I have!) I'll just have to plead my case before an understanding God and prayfully hope she'll forgive me!
