[Rule #1 for keeping the woman you love happy--keep your sense of humor!]
"Why are you crying?" my wife asked. "Remember 20 years ago I got you pregnant, and your father threatened to throw me in jail if I didn't marry you?" "Of course, honey," she said. "Well, I'd have been released tonight!" Our marriage was the old story of opposites attract--I wasn't pregnant and she was! We had a 50-50 relationship--she cooked and I ate! "Do you love me just because my father left me a lot of money?" I once asked my wife. She replied, "Of course not, baby. I would love you no matter who left you the money!" Marriage turned out to be an expensive way to get my laundry done! My wife spelled greedy with a capital G! "When my credit card was stolen, I didn't report it. The thief was spending less than my wife did!" Other Henny Youngman one-liners that make me laugh, follow: "I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back!" "I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always!" "My wife is on a coconut and banana diet. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree!" "My wife had a sex change. Now it's Wednesdays and Saturdays instead of Tuesdays and Fridays!" "I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport!" And, finally, "My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator!" Not laughing yet? How about this, then: Why are married women heavier than single women? Single women come home, see what's in the refrigerator and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the refrigerator!
